So it's been some time since I've posted.....umm...a year perhaps.  But maybe I've said it before, I blog everyday in my head.  This time I've had idle time to sit and write....and write....and write.  Our oldest son has spent a good portion of the summer in and out of the hospital.  Here's what I've learned this summer.....

• Although I am not yet 40, I apparently do not even closely resemble child-bearing age.  Just ask the radiology techs who so happily hand out the lead vests.
• Family is always there.
• Never underestimate hospital food....or coffee.
• The scenic route can change your attitude.
• Illness defines friendships.
• There will be that one medical professional that so foolishly asks when your T1 child is low, "Do you normally let him eat after he goes low?"
• Therapy dogs make for beautiful smiles.
• Residents.....
• My children are relentlessly courageous.
• Even a good christian girl with a heart for God can make a sailor look like a saint.
• It is possible to be so sleep deprived, you can momentarily become jealous of those resting eternally in a roadside graveyard.
• When you live on an island and the bridge to said island is 70 years old, always have a plan B....and C
• Laughter, at your own expense, can feel good.
• If you sleep in a waiting room with a motion activated light switch, your sleep will be interrupted... Every time you twitch.
• Rarely....very rarely are our intentions the same as God's.....just try catching up on laundry. 

Gonna walk this road...

I can't tell you how many posts I've deleted in my drafts folder.  Everyday I create and conjure up my post in my head and they just die right there in my drafts folder.  I have an issue.  I'm scared.  That's my issue.  I'm scared no one will read my posts.  I'm scared everyone will read my post.  I can't make myself happy here (imagine how my husband feels).  I have been working on a dream of mine for some time now and....well....I'm scared to put it out there.  BUT...I came across this -

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you

 didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines, 

sail away from the safe harbor, catch the trade winds

 in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." 

~Mark Twain

I'm at a point in life where I CAN look back and see disappointment and it doesn't feel good. So, as I climb to the top of this roller coaster (which I don't ride - go figure, right?), I'm just going to tightly close my eyes, panic a little (a lot) and let go.

Here it is.....

I have a deep passion for the sea and sand.  Nothing heals my soul the way it can.  I'm one with nature there and my best time spent with God is there.  I love photographing these moments in time.  

There are a couple of people who have given me faith to get  this started.

One is a dear friend who I became close with about a year ago in bible study (there's just something about a bible study) and half way through she and her family moved south to start another chapter in their story. Please visit her Etsy shop.

The other has no clue that she's even helped me. She is a childhood friend who I reconnected with online. She is an artist and found her calling later in life. She has a message in her blog that I often feel is meant for me.  Please visit her Blog.  I love these girls for what they've done and I hope they know their awesomeness!

"Gonna walk this road, see where it leads,

gonna bless the flowers, gonna bless the weeds"

- Eric Bibb

Please join me on Facebook and Etsy!

I hope you'll join me on this journey....The past year has been filled with healing - of many sorts. And I look forward to this chapter!

Mahalo!

My Hiatus is over

It's been quite some time since I've last posted so I'm making a new goal to be a better blogger.  We've had many changes take place in our lives, which makes me unsure of which direction to take this! As much as diabetes is part of our daily lives, so is homeschool now!  


Um, uh, I'm choking here....on my words! I was that mom that said "You'll never see me doing THAT!" And now I'm eating crow! And frankly, it tastes good.  My regret here? Not doing it sooner.  My son asked me last summer to do it and I quickly answered no.  Although diabetes was a factor in our decision, it was not the determining factor.  We prayed very hard about this and God made it very clear.  I've never been more sure about a prayer being answered nor more scared!  


I don't mind change, it just takes me a very long to get there.  I have to research, analyze, experiment, inquire and then research some more.  Just like our move....I waited and waited till the last minute and our regret? Why did we wait so long?  All have turned out to be good decisions.  In our move, I purged till I didn't think I could purge anymore.  So in turn, I have become very organized.  I stay on top of laundry - the hamper is rarely full of dirty clothes. I vacuum more frequently, dishes stay washed, etc.....and I am very happy (now, if I can get the XYs in this abode to comply, I'll be even happier.)


I think I may just change my blog title.  I'm definitely not experienced in the homeschool arena but what I'm learning is very cool, some is disheartening (on a personal level) but for the most part, it's fun.  I will say, though, it has done wonders for his numbers - looking forward to the next A1C check come next month - I don't think I even mentioned that in 90 days his A1C went from 8.0 to 9.0,   The change in numbers was evident.  Steady 400s in school, accompanied by constant headaches and stomachaches.  The first week he was home....steady 100s! The hardest part....our three year old!  Suggestions welcomed!


My random thought....I'm not happy about Facebook's purchase of Instagram.  Not.  One.  Bit.  

Changes: Welcomed and not so welcomed

Well it's about time I get back on the band wagon.  It's been too long and my best excuse is that my laptop is dead, not dead as in battery power, dead as in "where's Windows?" dead.  As much as I despise Windows and as much as I am in love with my iMac, I do love to be able to get comfy cozy on the couch, in my favorite spot and have the world on my lap (yes, take this as a hint = MacBook Pro + Christmas).  This is why I am able to sit at my desk and do this now....(please note this is a rare occurrence in this household)....

Life has changed in huge ways.  For all of us.  We moved.  Camden started 5th grade which, in our district is MIDDLE SCHOOL.  We couldn't be happier with our school nurse.  Simply, she rocks.  I spend significantly more time communicating with her daily than I do my husband.  Going into the school year with new staff was very scary for me.  My initial greetings were "we've had several diabetic students before."  That means nothing to me.  We all know every diabetic is different.  Every 420 is different.  Every 56 is different.  Even for the same diabetic.

But this school year so far has gone well (thanks to our nurse!).  Well, there was the broken ankle the second week of school.  And the same week, the possible TIA for my husband.  And again the same week, a cancer diagnosis for our beloved, sweet St. Bernard, Kato.  Oh and the major anxiety flare up!  Did I mentioned we moved?  Ha! These boxes aren't going anywhere anytime soon!  We contemplated on our new place far too long and we have no idea why....this is our wake up call every morning....

The ankle is doing much better, the boot comes off tomorrow.  My husband thankfully did not suffer a TIA as thought and my sweet Kato - I have no words to describe the love, happiness and joy she brings to us and the hurt that is soon to come.

Diabetes is a blessing....

It's been quite some time that I've gotten lost in thought. These past several weeks have been full of appointments...Rheumatology, Endocrinology, Cardiology, and a few others! Camden had all the "ology" visits and all were good reports. I consider them good reports if we didn't receive bad news. Surprisingly, the one that hit me the hardest was the Cardiology appointment. When I say it hit me, I mean it hit me....like a brick to the chest. They wheeled in the EKG machine and then took him in another room for his echo. I had a few minutes there to think. He said before we went in that he hoped they didn't do the echo because it hurts when they have to press so hard at different angles to get the view they want. They do it every year, he knows that. It was wishful thinking on his part. I felt sadness and anger all at the same time. The heart issue came first (which is repaired and fine) and three years later came the diabetes. But at that moment I wanted to grab my babies, hide them each under an arm like a mama bird and run....run to where no one can see us, hear us, talk to us or find us (except for daddy bird!). He had endured a specialist visit each week for several weeks now. It was too much for me. He is poked and prodded enough on a daily basis! He keeps such good spirits, no complaints, he just keeps chugging along. Why couldn't I?  Then the guilt settled in. How dare I be so selfish when there are Moms weeping and pleading with God for one more day with their babies?  Moms who sit and watch their children take their last breath? It didn't take long for me to get back on the Camden train. 
We recently went to a Coastal Plain League baseball game where they brought awareness to Niemann-Pick Type C Disease. The little boy they memorialized was their bat boy. It was by far the very saddest baseball game I have ever attended. This boy's mother watched her baby deteriorate over just a few years. All I could think about was how fortunate (yes, I said fortunate) we are to have diabetes. Yes, I know my son's health will deteriorate as well over a longer period of time but we have hope for a cure, we have treatment. I can treat his highs, I can treat his lows, I can take precautions. Those lows that are the devil sometimes are the 
same lows that give us quiet time together.  I remember once in the mountains at Family Camp, he had dropped to 52 late one evening.  We sat quietly on the back of my truck eating a snack and admiring our surroundings, looking for stars.  Would that have happened otherwise?  Not likely.  

God gives us what HE knows we can handle through Him. There are many a day, I asked God what in the hell he was thinking?! But when I lay it all out, I know what He was thinking. He gave this to me, my husband and my boys. What do we do with what God gives us? We tend to it. We care for it. We love it. We are a closer family because of it. We love a little harder because of it. We are fighters because of it.

Today....I am embracing diabetes. 

Something great will come of this.....

Now that school is out, I feel like I should have more time....not so.  I think it's about to get busier.  I am proud to say my T1 diabetic child made All-Stars!  Proud really doesn't explain it.  He hasn't once let this disease stop him or get in his way.  The only conflict was in the beginning of the season on how he wanted to disconnect while playing.  I pray everyday that this only makes him stronger and more diligent. Here's how today's morning prayer started.....

Dear Lord.....

Place your healing hand on my husband, bless his doctors that they may have answers.  Keep him safe and aware. Be with my son and take his burdens from him, remove the picture stuck in his head of his father having a seizure and replace it with good thoughts.  He has so much to carry, it just isn't right.  Bless the baby, give him ears so he may hear me and keep him safe for he has no fear.   AMEN

For the record, the "baby" is three and he does have ears - he just doesn't always use them!

As we lay in bed early Saturday morning (Father's Day weekend and also my husband's birthday), our oldest comes to my husband's side of the bed to talk "baseball bats."  No sooner did he get to the side of the bed, when I felt the tenseness of my husband and could hear the mumbling almost at the same time the tears came from my son.  I immediately knew what was happening, I slapped my glasses on so I could see.  My son grabbed the phone and started to call 911.  A few years ago I would have let him but I have become quite calmer now.  I simply took the phone and sat it down.  I had to see where this was going first.  Thank God, it was a mild one.  They don't happen often but one is enough if you've ever witnessed it.

Let me take you back about five years to Christmas eve.  My husband and son were Christmas shopping about an hour away when he called to say they had been in an accident.  He had hit someone from behind - he said he just didn't see her.  We had a Tahoe, so our damage wasn't much in comparison to her car being totaled.  I thought his explanation was odd but I didn't think too much about it.  Several hours later as we sat in church at Candlelight service, I felt the tenseness (this was the first time so I didn't know what was about to happen).  There, stuck between two pews, he suffered a grand mal seizure.  Definitely one of the scariest events I have ever witnessed.  I thought I was losing him, forever.  I thought he was having a massive stroke (he suffered strokes at the age of five and 23).  My son was there for both events and most from then on. It turned out the earlier "accident" was my husband having a series of petit mal seizures.

My son is very sensitive and aware.  Not only does he carry the burden of diabetes but also of his father's disorder.  I want to scream "It isn't fair!" and "Why him?"  But the fact is if it wasn't him, it would be another child and my God has given it to my son because He knows what he will do with it.  I know that will be something great.  I know all of this will be his testimony one day.  It has created a greater bond between us.  It has made us look at life with a totally different attitude.  A lot of things don't matter anymore and the smaller things do.   We have an appreciation for life that most people don't.  I pray every time my husband gets in the driver seat. I pray for the times he isn't able to drive because he has to "wait" for the okay.  I will do the same when my oldest starts to drive I'm sure.  But today, we take it ONE day at a time, one hour at a time, a bolus at a time, one BS check at a time.....

Humanity in it's best form...

Many would beg to differ when I say my son is fortunate.  He has had quite a few series of unfortunate events.  Shortly after birth it was determined he had GERD that raged for years.  When he was two he fell out of a chair (I was literally right beside him) and broke his arm to the extent he had to have pins placed in it.  At age seven he was diagnosed with an ASD (Atrial Septal Defect also known as a hole in the heart).  Eight months later, another surgery to remove his tonsils.  And more recently, seven months ago a Type 1 Diabetes diagnosis.

I am very careful to use the word "lucky".  I don't believe in luck.  I believe in fortune, God's grace and mercy.  So why do I say he is so fortunate?  Because he has one of the best support systems one could ask for.  Let me explain the divine intervention here...

My son is in his fifth year (4th grade) of elementary school.  Many students in this small, rural community have shared many classes together.  My son has had the privilege of being in class for the first time this year with another T1.  They have been together at school for five years but only this year, have they had the same teacher.  My initial fear was that when my son came back for the first time after being diagnosed, the other students would think that Diabetes could be "caught."  I couldn't have been more wrong, the students made cards of support and gave many well wishes. These two boys have been able to share their last year of elementary school together, going to the nurse together, checking blood sugars together....they know they are not alone.  Their guidance counselor has formed a support group for them as well (there is another T1 in another grade level).

This week is Diabetes Awareness week at school.  The children can bring in a dollar and buy a JDRF sneaker and place it next to their classroom.  The classroom with the most at the end of the week will receive special recognition.  I thought to myself maybe they will raise $200 if half of the school participates. WELL....as we are coming home from school yesterday he tells me that they raised $106 and that ONE of his classmates brought in $50 AND the remainder was from his class alone.  I couldn't speak, I couldn't even try to smile.  He says "Mom?  Are you getting emotional?"  All I could do was nod and wait for the rush to leave. THEN, today as I'm walking in the hallways volunteering, I am admiring (truly) all the sneakers and I notice another classmate's name over and over again.  I find out that this little girl brought in her entire piggy bank and emptied it of $63.  I feel like I cannot shout loud enough to tell the world of the goodness these kids are doing.  All the while, tears are flowing, my heart smiles and a sense of comfort falls over me knowing his friends are so supportive.  These are the children he will grow up with, who will be there during the highs and lows.  So I can say WE are fortunate, blessed and surrounded by grace.  My sneakers runneth over.....